The Gold Coast Titans: Tale of a Salary Cap Breach

As we all know the Titans have made some very semi long term deals. Jamal=5 years Douglas=3 years* Champion=3 years. The question has been raised how can the Titans, who as we know are not a financially healthy club, can afford these players? Well that's simple and I shall explain in the following paragraphs further on.

What I'd like to say before venturing onto speculations of how we can afford these players is that it is stupid wasting all this money on player talent to try to bring fans in but won't improve the fucking infrastructure at Skilled Park! It's a cunt to go to for games at least put a fucking car park there for fuck sakes! Now moving on may i present The Jetstar Gold Coast Titans salary blanket.

First all players were given a house next to or in the same street as Princey.

Second all players were given boats to enjoy in the Gold Coast sun.

Third all other players are only playing for pizza vouchers.

Fourth they have hired a 24 hour beautician to look after Jamal.

Fifth Douglas doesn't have to play for the sharks.

Sixth Champion did not like the boat Melbourne offered him. He prefered the 18 footer that the Titans offered.

Seventh all will be appearing in Jamal's tv show flop.

*may not be accurate

posted from Bloggeroid

The Season So Far

Well hasn't season 2011 been an interesting journey so far? It seems my general cuntery prediction for manly was incorrect and the titans have caught the cuntery flu. Seriously who thinks 'oh wait let's drop one of the top 5 hookers in the game and buy a fucking useless centre(Idris)'. Cunts! You should have torn up Capewell's contract. He's as useful as tits on a bull.

How good is Orford? I bet he has a horse's head in his bed every night.

What about the cowboys? Who gave them the swift kick up the ass they needed? According to mason Henry is a shit coach. How's your career looking now small willie?

Seriously over the overratedness of the doggies 7(chokesondickinson). Somebody needs to get that man a neck! He'd be an easy cunt to kidnap because he can't turn his head!

Before the season started i told someone on twitter(@sataninheels_ i believe) that the eels will be the shit stain of the NRL and finish 18th, not a bad prediction huh?

Matt Elliot got sacked. No i don't mean fired i mean some penriff boys jumped him and gave him a beating with a sack full of rocks, good penriff.

Souths still have room for improvement. Improving on how to better counsel their disappointed fans.

Sandow joins eels to make the shit stain a little darker.

Ennis is a cat. That is all.......for now.

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Melbourne Storm Preview

A 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th set of books will be found and all relating to Cam Smith. He will be banished from Melb and sign with Canberra.

Gold Coast Titans Preview

I will finally get my chance at 5/8 make an impressive debut but unfortunately due to a boogie board pool incident at the recovery session I will break my ankle and not see another game this year. We will dominate the NRL season winning the minor premiership and grand final. Princey will not be overlooked and will replace JT at Origin and Australian level. Preston Campbell will retire at the conclusion of the season. Kevin Gordon will score 30+ tries. Nathan Friend will win the Dally M hooker of the year.

Brisbane Broncos Preview

Darren Lockyer will break his hip in round 1. Following Locky's injury the Broncos will unearth a brilliant player forcing Locky into either retirement or overseas. The Broncos will come 5th but get flogged by the Titans in the finals somewhere in the 75-0 area. Hannant will be shit, quit Rugby League and take a job as a professional polar bear.

NZ Warriors Preview

The Warriors will be the dark horse of the 2011 competition. They will finish in the top 4 maybe even a minor premiership, make the grand final but will be distracted by stray and loose sheep and the whole team will come down with various VDs and will be forced to forfeit the GF. Oh and Russell Packer will get busted smoking pot. He looks like one of those pot smokers.

North Queensland Cowboys Preview

In season 2011 the cowboys will use 26 different 5/8s. Due to another drunken incident mid season JT will be sacked as captain. Captaincy will go to Matt Scott or Brent Tate. Nth QLD will be one win away from making the 8 in round 26 and will win in golden point but be catapulted out of the finals.

Sydney Roosters Preview

In 2011 season Todd Carny will tattoo his penis because he will run out of untouched skin. Mitchell Pearce will be selected for the Blues but will get a season ending injury before game 1. The Roosters fan base will grow to 4 supporters and be even more glam & faaabbbbulous! They will make the Grand Final again but lose followed by Brian Smith's suicide.

South Sydney Rabbitohs preview

Nuff said

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Cronulla Toothless Sharks.

The picture is supposed to inspire fear. Supposed to and does are two different things. The current NRL laughing stocks like to think they have recruited well. They sign what they say is a very good back rower but what I see is an injury prone inconsistent person. Having said that watching the Sharks will be like watching a puppy being tortured, seeing them get hurt, squirm and try to set themselves free. Maybe they stick to what they know best. Team bonding gang bangs.

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The Manly Sea Dissapointments.

This photo depicts the only emotion Manly fans/players will feel. While flukeing their way throughout 2010 climaxing in a flogging from the hands of St Giliwa the Manly side will look good but fizzle out towards the end of the season ending up in 12th. At times they will show they have what it takes to take out the premiership but injury and general cuntery will stop them.

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I want a champion for 2011 not a fat cunt.

Happy new year faithful readers. Souths sign a fat cunt that they will only get two years out of(if you believe the reports) and lose a champion. GI is having enough trouble laying off the pies let alone being able to put an 80min game together. Souths will learn they were better off keeping their consistent champion and not ditching him for the man who swallowed the woman who swallowed a dog who swallowed a cat, blah blah. Until next time, the truth is out there readers

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The week that's been.

Reading negative rugby league stories is like being hungover then shit annoying happens(yes I know its a great thingo I'm sick don't like go fuck yourself).

Joel 'Dog Lover' Monaghan gets busted pulling a 'prank'. WHAT KIND OF PRANK INVOLVES YOU STICKING YOUR FUCKING DICK IN A DOGS MOUTH?(unless it's my ex). I just can't begin to understand, it's just a massive mind fuck. His dick in a dogs mouth? Seriously? It wasn't even his dog it was a teammate's dog. He violated his teammates dog.

GI fucks the Broncos like his name was Joel Monaghan. MATE PAY YOUR FUCKING BILLS! Every other Australian has to! You are not bigger than life. You aren't even that good(at NRL level). I personally think the Broncos are better off without him. Why South Sydney? Why the NRL's biggest under achievers? Why would you listen to that fuckwit Mundine?

What next?...........................

The Dally M awards we don't want.

Coach of Year - Neil Henry, North QLD

Front rower of the Year - Willie Mason, Woop Woop

Second-rower of the Year - Chris Bailey, Manly

Provan-Summons Medal (most popular player as voted by fans) - Chris Bailey, Manly

Hooker of the Year - Michael Ennis, Canterbury

Winger of the Year - Beau Ryan, Wests

Captain of the Year - Jamie Lyon, Manly

Centre of the Year - Jamie Lyon, Manly

Fullback of the Year - Rhys Wesser, South Sydney

Five-eighth of the Year - Any of the 30 that the Cowboys used this season

Halfback of the Year - Trent Hodkinson, Manly......ohhhh sorry I mean Canterbury

Lock of the Year - Braith Anasta, Sydney

Rep player of the Year - Bill Slater, Melbourne

Peter Frilingos Award for headline moments of 2010 - Jarryd Hayne, Parramatta

Dally M Player of the Year - Willie Mason, Woop Woop

General Ramblings

I take back everything I ever said about the dragons not being able to attack. The Dragons played well the Roosters failed. The Clive Churchill medal went to the wrong winner. I had cob loaf, kabana and jatz. Got slightly drunk. Spent most of the game smoking. Apparently everyone forgot the team was St. George-Illawarra Dragon not St. George Dragons. Wendell become the most hated person on twitter by just being an ass in general.

The GF was awesome, not the game but what happened because it was the GF. My mummy brought me booze, made cob loaf, kabana, cheese and biscuits and hot dogs:). The game was meh. The Roosters penetrated the Dragons line less than I've penetrated a vagina this year. The Dragons were clinical with attack and defence. Darius Boyd won the Clive Churchill medal but was undeserving. Jason Nightingale was the real winnder.

Australia named their 24 man squad for the 4 Nations. The Gold Coast Titans captain & Dally M award winning halfback missed out on selection, how I don't know. Congrats go to Todd Carney and Greg Bird for their call ups and making such a great comeback to the NRL.

Voting has opened for the Indigenous All Stars team(vote here: http://bit.ly/aJAy81 ). I went to the game last year and the atmosphere was absolutely spectacular. I absolutely loved it very proud moment in my life. Timana 'Drama' Tahu didn't get a vote in my team because now he's Maori apparently.

What else can I ramble on about.....maybe I should promote drinking & unprotected sex. I'm joking, if you have unprotected sex you will get pregnant and die.

Walgett Aboriginal Connection won the 2010 Koori Knockout. Congrats to all teams who played and a big congrats to the NRL players who gave up their free time to play. It makes me sad that the knockout doesn't get the publicity it should but I'll be making a change to that. I'll be bringing news and info about the 2011 Koori Knockout when I find out about it.

I wish Willie Mason would shut the fuck up and fuck off blaming Neil Henry for the collapse of the Cowboys.

That is all.